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ANNIVERSARY HUMOR – 46 YEARS!

Considering I just celebrated 46 years with my husband–yes, the same one for all those years–I thought I’d share some wedded bliss humor with y’all.

An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, ‘What did you steal?’

She replied: a can of peaches.

The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she was hungry.

The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied 6.

The judge then said, ‘I will give you 6 days in jail.’

Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment the woman’s husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.

He said, ‘ What is it? ‘

The husband said ‘She also stole a can of peas.’
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A new Mercedes owner was out on an interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.

As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him. “There ain’t no way they can catch a Mercedes,” he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100 110 and finally 120 with the lights still behind him. “What in the world am I doing?” he thought and pulled over.

The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. “I’ve had a tough shift and this is my last pull-over. I don’t feel like more paperwork so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go!”

“Last week my wife ran off with a cop,” the man said, “and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!”
#
Husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up.
Then the wife stops and says, “I don’ t feel like it. I just want you to hold me.”
The husband says ” WHAT??” The wife explains that he must not be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman.
The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
The next day the husband takes her shopping at a big dept. store. He has her try on three very expensive outfits. “We ‘ll take all three.” Then she gets matching shoes worth $200.
Then they go to the jewelry department and select a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but doesn’t care), and goes for the tennis bracelet.
The husband says, “But you don’t even play tennis. No, that’s okay, you like it then lets get it.’
The wife is jumping up and down. So excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says “I am ready to go, lets go to the cash register. ”
The husband says, “No, no, no, honey, we’re not going to buy all this stuff.”  The wife’s face goes blank. “I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.”
Her face gets really red she is about to explode and then the husband says ” You must not be in tune with my financial needs as a MAN!”
#
Wife: ‘What are you doing?’
Husband: ‘Nothing.’
Wife: ‘Nothing? You’ve been studying our marriage certificate for quite some time.’
Husband: ‘I was looking for the expiration date.’
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Wife: I feel like I’m falling apart.
Husband: Don’t worry. I’ll pick up the pieces.
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Husband: What would you like for your birthday?
Wife: I don’t know, surprise me.
Husband: I have been for years, but you haven’t liked anything I’ve bought. I’ve bought you a bass boat, fishing rods, guns for hunting, and a truck.

Wife: ‘Do you want dinner?’
Husband: ‘Sure! What are my choices?’
Wife:’Yes or no.’

A wife asked her husband: ‘What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?’
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: ‘I like your sense of humor!’

The Importance of Attitude

Originally posted on Morning Story and Dilbert:

Morning Story and Dilbert Vintage Dilbert
April 15, 2015

There was a man who made living selling balloons at a fair. He had all colors of balloons Including red, yellow, green. Whenever business was slow, he would release a helium filled balloons into the air and when the children saw it go up, they all wanted to buy one. They would come up to him, buy a balloon and his sales would go up again. He continues this process all day.

One day, he felt something tugging his jacket. He turned around and saw a little boy who asked,” If you release a black balloon, would that also fly?” Moved by the boy’s concern, the man replied with empathy.” Son, it is not the Color of the balloon, it is what inside that makes it go up.”

The same thing applies to our lives. It is what is inside that counts. The thing inside…

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Inspiration Point

Originally posted on A Writer's Path:

writer-6057664_1280

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Ceviche

quirkywritingcorner:

I’ve saved this recipe, but I’m not sure I’m brave enough to make it.

Originally posted on Life Unscripted:

I recently had my first experience of Ceviche and I was blown away.  Not sure how a guy who likes to experiment with food and thinks nothing of eating sushi (as in RAW seafood) missed ceviche which is actually cooked seafood:  cooked by the acids in the citrus juice.


Please, use only the freshest seafood!  Do not take chances with your health, or risk misjudging the wonders of ceviche by using old product.


Do NOT make excess to your requirements.  The acid in the  ceviche will continue to cure and break down the fish the longer it sits in the liquid.

Do not try to freeze ceviche

Ingredients

  • Ceviche1-1/2 pounds extra-large shrimp, peeled, deveined and halved lengthwise
  • ¼ pound bay scallops
  • ½ cup fresh orange juice
  • ½ cup fresh lemon juice
  • ¼ cup fresh lime juice plus more for dipping glasses
  • ¼ cup ketchup
  • 3 cloves garlic, crushed
  • ½ cup…

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The Two Lumberjacks

Originally posted on Morning Story and Dilbert:

MS&D Vintage Dilbert
January 17, 2015

It was the annual lumberjack competition and the final was between an older, experienced lumberjack and a younger, stronger lumberjack. The rule of the competition was quite simply who could fell the most trees in a day was the winner.

The younger lumberjack was full of enthusiasm and went off into the wood and set to work straight away. He worked all through the day and all through the night. As he worked, he could hear the older lumberjack working in another part of the forest and he felt more and more confident with every tree he felled that he would win.

At regular intervals throughout the day, the noise of trees being felled coming from the other part of the forest would stop. The younger lumberjack took heart from this, knowing that this meant the older lumberjack was taking a rest, whereas he could…

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Gallery

Current News

quirkywritingcorner:

Support our troops with prayer if nothing else.

Originally posted on pacificparatrooper:

Mike Day - Navy Seal Mike Day – Navy Seal

A former US Navy Seal, Mike Day is currently still fighting for his fellow soldiers.  Day was shot 27 times by al Qaida gunmen in Iraq in 2007, but the Silver Star recipient didn’t quit.  After a long recovery, he will soon compete in his first triathlon – a 1.2 mile swim, 56-mile bike run and 13.1-mile run – later this month, and he has used his training to raise nearly $80,000 for Carrick Brain Centers, a Dallas hospital specializing in treating veterans suffering from PTSD. (“The Week” magazine)

Mike Day Mike Day

“My life’s mission is now not about me,” Day said.  “It is to care for and lead my wounded brothers and sisters.”

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USS Oklahoma, in finer days USS Oklahoma, in finer days

Honolulu (FOX News) – The Pentagon said Tuesday it would exhume and try to identify the remains of nearly 400 sailors and Marines killed when the…

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Why are Goals Important?

Originally posted on Morning Story and Dilbert:

Morning Story and Dilbert Vintage Dilbert
April 13, 2015

On the best sunny day, the most powerful magnifying glass will not light paper if you keep moving the glass. But if you focus and hold it, the paper will light up. That is the power of concentration.

A man was traveling and stopped at an intersection. He asked an elderly man, “Where does this road take me?” The elderly person asked, “Where do you want to go?” The man replied, “I don’t know.” The elderly person said, “Then take any road. What difference does it make?”

How true. When we don’t know where we are going, any road will take us there.

Suppose you have all the football eleven players, enthusiastically ready to play the game, all charged up, and then someone took the goal post away. What would happen to the game? There is nothing left. How do you keep score? How do…

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