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My Pity Party and God’s Grace

January 14, 2019

This morning I dropped a few chunks of dried bread into the food processor and hit the “ON” button to make bread crumbs. Normally I use the pulse button which would have been better with what happened next.
The machine roared loudly and jumped up about an inch above the counter. The loud noise and unexpected jump startled me. The medication for Myasthenia Gravis seems to enhance my startle reflex, and not always in a good way. I jumped and became confused for a few seconds. I could not remember how to shut off the monster. Now mind you, there are only three buttons – ON – OFF – PULSE – and in that order. I thought my guardian angel whispered Hit Off, so I did.
Then The Reaction set in. I don’t know if it’s an adrenaline let down or what, but anytime I am startled I get short of breath, dizzy and weak. A glass of ice water rejuvenates me nicely. Again, I blame it on the MG just because I can.
While I got a glass of water I had my own pity party. I had been feeling weaker than normal since Saturday. I went to breakfast with my friend Rebecca, hoping some food would help. It didn’t but at least I had a nice time. I skipped church on Sunday even though I felt a little better, I wasn’t sure about driving. It’s only 3 miles but my pressure on the gas pedal on Saturday felt a little weaker than it had been. The neuro test said my leg was fine but I’m not comfortable driving any more.
I know what happens with the progression of myasthenia gravis and that eventually I’ll need a wheelchair to get around. I’m not ready for that yet. Truthfully, I don’t know that I ever will be. I’ve been a helper all my life. I’m not used to needing help.
Add to that my annoyance with feeling useless after such a stupid thing as a loud noise and an unexpected motion, so I felt I deserved a few minutes of a pity party. I was alone. Jack was at the eye doctor for his pre-op cataract eye exam and my son wasn’t up yet.
Hugging my glass of water against my chest, I made my way from the kitchen to my chair. I could not carry the glass in my hand because it was still shaking too much. I sat in the recliner and kicked my feet up. I had a few swallows of water then opened my Bible. I didn’t know how well I could read with my crying, but I wanted some comfort from God.
I thought about reading in Psalms, but just opened it at a random spot. The verse was already highlighted so it caught my attention:
But by the grace of God I am what I am and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; 1 Corinthians 15:10a. My tears stopped and I started laughing by the time I read the second I am. I finished reading the whole verse but it was the first part that spoke the loudest to me and gave me the comfort I wanted.
I trust God and sometimes wonder if he doesn’t get a good chuckle with some of what I go through. Most of my friends are used to it by now and are very understanding. My husband and son know exactly what to do when I have The Reaction. It often takes my voice away so they’ve learned the sign for water. Now they don’t have to ask; they get me a glass of ice water as soon as they help me to a chair. It’s cute when they double-team me – one helps me to the chair and the other gets the water.
When Jack got home I told him what happened. He tried it and the darn thing jumped at him too! Usually when I tell him about a problem appliance and he tries it, the appliance works just fine. He finished making the bread crumbs. It’s going to be awhile before I use the food processor again.
Thanks for listening to my rant, but I’ve got to get busy. I’ve got to write my Pigs and Apes story so it will be ready for Friday morning Bible Study class.

From → Everyday Life

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