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A Little Writing Humor

May 17, 2017

My eldest son John made a comment about a story idea. The basic premise is what would America be like if the Vikings had settled here and not Columbus. He mentioned how he’s had the idea for years, but just couldn’t think of anything past the idea. We chatted a bit. I encouraged him to research it and see what he learned, explaining that might give him ideas about what to write. I told him if he got started, his characters might talk to him and tell him what they wanted.
He answered, “That’s the problem. They’re talking in Norse and I don’t understand them.”

A screenwriter comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-singed wife is standing outside.
“Oh, John, it was terrible,” she weeps. “I was cooking, the phone rang. It was your agent. Because I was on the phone, I didn’t notice the stove was on fire. It went up in seconds. Everything is gone. I nearly didn’t make it out of the house. Poor Fluffy is–”
“Wait, wait. Back up a minute,” The man says. “My agent called?”

A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus.
“It’s a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway,” he said.
“Actually,” said his guide, “it’s named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation.”
The visitor was astonished. “Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?”
“Yes, indeed,” said his guide. “He wrote a check.”

A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell.
She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.
“Oh my,” said the writer. “Let me see heaven now.”
A few moments later, as she ascended into heaven, she saw rows of writers, chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they, too, were whipped with thorny lashes.
“Wait a minute,” said the writer. “This is just as bad as hell!”
“Oh no, it’s not,” replied an unseen voice. “Here, your work gets published.”

What’s the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?
A Northern fairytale begins like this: “Once upon a time.”
A Southern fairytale begins like this: “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this!”

Yes, English can be weird. It can be understood
through tough thorough thought, though.

If you hear voices inside your head, and they talk like you’re not even there…you’re probably an author.

What if we are all characters in a book? What if when you forget what you were going to say it’s the author backspacing?!?
Writer’s Block: when your imaginary friends won’t talk to you.

What do you call a snobbish criminal walking down stairs?
A condescending con descending.

“If the English language made any sense, Lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers.” ~ Doug Larson  on Grammarly blog

From → Humor

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