Skip to content

Mad at God – Again

April 28, 2017

I don’t get mad at God often, and I know it won’t last long nor will it be the last time. It’s an exercise in futility.
Being a nurse has helped me understand some of the problems and issues in dealing with Myasthenia Gravis (MG). Coping was my biggest problem. I tried to continue at my normal pace and found that was impossible. Afternoon naps and frequent breaks were the new norm!
A few years ago my neurologist put me on magnesium to manage the epilepsy. Life progressed steadily. The fibro pain stopped. I credited the magnesium for that. I also thanked the Lord for letting me find something that would take away that 24/7 pain. I shared it on my blog and Facebook hoping that others could get the same relief I did.
However, my MG seems to have worsened. I have become more short of breath with walking, even simply going from room to room. Recovery from even mild exertion takes longer.
A few months ago I met a woman who also has MG. She claimed a healing from God and got it. Naturally I had to ask God why. Why does she get a healing and I don’t? It’s not that I want to deny her a healing but I would have liked one as well. I got a peace about it but not an answer that I understood other than “Be patient.”
With the worsening I’ve started having second doubts.
MG affects only the voluntary muscles. Respiratory muscles are both voluntary (when you hold your breath) and involuntary (you know, your normal breathing function that you don’t think about). Therefore, MG affects breathing.
I saw my Nurse Practitioner on Monday with a list of all my troubles. Recently, forgetfulness has become an issue. Growing up I did everything right to keep dementia at bay – coloring books and cut-outs, board games, crossword puzzles, and playing outside. I have a decent IQ, am an avid reader, and love math. I took Spanish and French in high school. I started singing in the church choir when I was ten or eleven. As a nurse I was constantly learning and stretching my mind. Senility was the farthest thing from my mind. I figured it might happen by the time I reached 90.
My friends say it’s just a normal part of Old Age. Why? How can you go from being sharp and witty one day to Huh? What? the next? Okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration but it’s how I feel. Dementia should not be considered normal.
I started taking Memantine on Tuesday. I don’t expect to see much improvement this early but I think it is helping. I’m speaking more French phrases than I have in years, and I’m angry and irritable.
Maybe this is the Lord’s way of telling me to let Him handle things. I don’t know. When I was on Birth Control pill I had anger issues. The epilepsy medicines caused anger and suicidal thoughts. If this stuff keeps me angry, then I’ll stop it and let everyone deal with my forgetfulness. I’d rather be remembered as the “Sweet Old Lady” instead of the “Angry Old B–ch!”
I missed church last Sunday because of not feeling well, but I plan to go this Sunday. I know we can talk to God anytime or anywhere, but there are times I like to talk to God in His house.
Please keep me and my family in your prayers. Thank you for listening to me. ~ Connie

    • I didn’t know MG was an auto-immmune disorder. In 2008 when I was diagnosed with MG, my family doctor told me I was his first case. I was my first case as well so we both had a lot to learn. He left his practice a few years later and I switched to a NP. Gail is knowledgeable, but is leaving the MG care up to my neurologist. He put me on magnesium for seizure management which dramatically improved a number of health issues I had. I’m still working out how much to take and finding a good quality brand. Most importantly, I’m trusting in God to see me through this. At my age MG is daunting some days. That minor change to taking Mg has led me to believe more of us are Mg deficient than what we’re aware of and that deficiency is the root cause of so many other disorders. Again, thank you for your follow.

  1. I offer my empathy for all you’ve had to endure. As a professional in the health care industry, it must be frustrating for you.

    Just wanted to throw an idea your way that could offer an additional approach to addressing your condition.

    As you know, MG is classified as an auto immune disorder. The traditional allopathic approach attempts to control the symptoms associated with this condition. There is certainly validity in this approach since it helps improve function. However, underlying ROOT CAUSES of auto immune conditions is never really considered in treatment protocols.

    There are a slew of physiological factors that can aggravate and perpetuate these conditions. Nutritional imbalances, toxicity factors, hormone imbalances, chronic inflammation, etc… are just a select few markers worth evaluating that are never addressed in a conventional medical setting. Have you considered visiting a FUNCTIONAL practitioner that would evaluate you and address ALL the underlying conditions that may be contributing to the progressive changes in your situation/disorder? This approach could SUBSTANTIATE logical reasons for pathological conditions while offering a natural healthier approach to RESTORING improved health to the body.

    If this is something you would consider, make certain the doctor is accredited in functional medicine and has experience with patients suffering auto immune conditions. Using a primary along with a functional practitioner may offer a better solution to your situation.

    I hope this information is found useful. Wishing you much success (and relief) on your journey.

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: