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September 19, 2013

Ever Stop To Think, And Forget To Start Again?
It’s scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, ‘For fast relief.’

I’ve sure gotten old!
I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
New knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
Take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can’t remember if I’m 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my Florida driver’s license.

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker
Came up to the very elderly widow and asked,
‘How old was your husband?’
’98,’ she replied: ‘Two years older than me’
‘So you’re 96,’ the undertaker commented.
She responded, ‘Hardly worth going home, is it?’

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
‘And what do you think is the best thing
About being 104?’ the reporter asked.
She simply replied, ‘No peer pressure.’

“Who says nothing is impossible? Some people do it every day!”
Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
Money can buy you a great dog, but it won’t buy you a wag of its tail.

The Signs Say it All:

On a Maternity Room door:
“Push. Push. Push.”

 In a Veterinarian’s waiting room:
“Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

In a Podiatrist’s office:
“Time wounds all heels.”

On an electric-company van: ‘Power to the People.’

Jesus. Don’t leave earth without him.

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